Why does your dog hump you? This is another story leading on from a previous post about how my dogs reflect my emotions
My Labrador retriever, Archie, occasionally humps me. Because I have been interested in working with Kevin Behan's principles in NDT, I have refrained from scolding him for it. Instead, I have tried to understand what the behaviour is telling me. He only does it in the house, only in certain 'safe' rooms in the house, and only with me. The two hounds never try to hump me, although they will occasionally hump each other.
What I understand from what I've read about 'humping' is that it’s a way to feel connected. It is a way of getting energy moving between the two. What I also know is that a dog does not have separate sense of self. Any behaviour you experience in your dog reflects the energy in the surround - its not just the dog. The actions I experience with my dog is therefore as much about what is going on for me.
It was towards the end of a long day when I sat down to relax and read. Archie jumped up beside me on the sofa and started to 'hump' my arm. My immediate reaction was that of annoyance. That was closely followed by self-recrimination. Why had I not managed to resolve this behaviour of Archie's, what sort of dog owner was I?
I started to wonder if it was in response to something going on in me. How was I feeling? I didn't feel too great. Tears started to well up and I felt like sobs were trying to escape.
My thoughts were of a friend who had recently turned away from me. I hadn't been sure why, something about a conversation with someone else. I had resigned myself to the rejection and to never finding out why. As I took more notice of how I was in the moment, I felt the hurt and unfairness of it all.
Archie stopped trying to hump my arm and curled up beside me on the sofa.
The next morning the feelings of hurt and rejection were still on my mind. I wrote a letter to my friend stating my point of view, how his behaviour had made me feel. I needed to have my voice heard, even though I risked being ignored.
The following day, I received a 'thank you' for getting in touch and an apology.
The resulting, very positive outcome gave me a lesson in vulnerability - reminding me of Brené Brown's quote
I would like to leave you with the thought, that until I tried to understand Archie's behaviour by considering myself, I hadn't even been aware of my feelings. Acknowledging and dealing with them turned out to be hugely healing for me.
Archie taught me to be present and aware. And if you'll humour me my sentimentality, the whole incident reminded me of a Bryan Adams song, which now comes into my head whenever he starts to get 'active' with me!
Bryan Adams – (Everything I Do) I Do It For You
I love that dog!
He is amazing! – I don’t know how I’ll cope without him when I visit Indiana in August 🙂
What an amazing level of trust you’ve shown in your own feelings and in Archie. Fab stuff.
Aw thankyou Claire – its taken me years of practice – I think I’m finally starting to get it 🙂
Hi Joanne — this is a really interesting post — I really respect the vulnerability involved in sharing the post as well as the message about vulnerability expressed in the story — and I LOVE that picture of your dog!
Thankyou Alwynne 🙂 I reckon the more we share the more we will learn 🙂 And thanks for the comment about the picture – the bottom one is mine (I’m learning) and the top one was done by a friend (www.ruralshots.com) who’s teaching me!
My female has started doing this. She began after her spinal surgery so I thought at first it was muscle spasms. But they aren’t, the are more and more frequent. She will walk up to or around me and face me with her behind humping. I’ve never scolded her for it because I always thought of it as natural dog behavior that perhaps they themselves don’t quite understand, and she always had an air of confusion. Over time I have noticed how emotionally charged she is during these humping moments. As my life has become more hectic, more dramatic at work, more drama in my social life that I have chosen to cut off from (and yet remain unresolved), her humping has increased in frequency and intensity. Recently she climbed up my leg and grasped it to hump and I was very surprised. I calmly removed her from my body and thought not much of it at the moment but it has been plaguing me. I never thought to connect that event with my own emotions.
Melissa that is really interesting. The way I see it is they are trying to get energy moving, ours or theirs. My lab is the only one that humps me and sometimes he does it after he has been playing with the hounds. When he does it then I wonder if it’s him trying to release stuck energy that he wasn’t able to give to the hounds – I take it as a mark of trust in me that he is able to do it!
[…] if you want to read more about my own experiences with dogs mirroring our emotions check out Why Does Your Dog Hump You or Why Does a Dog Chew what it […]